Finding out we were pregnant!

It’s a long one…again! Grab your cuppa teas & biscuits!

I can still remember the day like it was yesterday. I had cried the day before, Sunday evening as I’d done a pregnancy test which had come back negative (or so we thought) I threw myself into Matt’s arms and sobbed.

I could tell he was disappointed, “it’s okay babe it will happen” he said. 

We had decided that I would come off my contraceptive pill the end of December 2017/ start of Jan 2018. I’d been trying to track my ovulation but didn’t really have a clue whether it was accurate or not. So we just winged it.

Fast forward to Monday 19th March 2018, I was feeling awful still after the negative pregnancy test the day before, and me & Matt had been wracking our brains all night questioning whether the test was definitely negative. I was starting back in the gym determined to shift some weight. It was an early one, I was meeting my friend Natalie for a 6am body pump class before work.

Just before I left I decided I’d do another test just encase, this time I swore I could see a second line. Was I going mad was it there, was it not? I paced the bathroom holding the test right up close squinting waiting for the results, then there it was the faintest second line we’d been waiting for! I remember this wave of euphoria coming over me, it’s funny now because I didn’t run in screaming to Matt. I simply grabbed my gym back and left because I didn’t want to wake him, but left the test on the side in the bathroom.

After class I decided to pop into Asda and get a clear blue digital test (just to make super sure it was positive) I got to work had a shower and locked myself in the cubicle with the test.

It seemed like I’d waited ages, I mean AGES! My heart was beating fast, I could feel it in my ears then after some time it happened….the screen showed “pregnant 1-2 weeks” I jumped up and down with a huge smile on my face, I couldn’t wait for Matt to wake up so I’d text himto check the bathroom HA!

I floated into the office, I was in this bubble that no one was popping. I sat at my desk daydreaming waiting for Matt to reply then ping my phone buzzed. I think he said something along the lines of “oh wow! Congrats mummy!” We were just both buzzing! 

I called my manager for a chit chat, we are super close and he’s been a great support to me. The first thing he said when we sat down we’re “your not handing in your resignation are you?? Please don’t H” 😂😂 No I laughed I’m pregnant! I’ll never forget that look on his face, he threw his arms around me and gave me a big hug he was so happy, so was I. It was the best! 

But little did I know, my whole world was about to turn upside down In just a few hours….

I was looking at the clock at my screen willing it to be 4pm, 3:55pm I couldn’t wait to get home to see Matt I was on top of the world! And then it happened…my phone buzzed in my pocket “Mum” calling. I ran over to the side of the office and answered, “Hel” this weary voice said – my heart instantly sank I knew something was wrong. Then the phone cut off…

Text message “Hel come home – urgent xxx”

I rang her back, “Mum, what’s wrong?” In my head I thought something had happened to our cat she was 16 and hadn’t been well.

“Just come home Hel” she sobbed 

“What is it mum tell me” I pleaded my heart was pounding I could feel my eyes tearing up. 

Then just two words and my whole world crashed down.

“It’s Dad”

Boom just like that I could feel my head spinning I felt sick, I slid down the wall to the floor head dropped between my knee’s.

“He’s dead isn’t he” I whispered through my sobs

“Yes babe, come home” she sobbed back

I hung up the phone and could hardly pick myself up I was like a dead weight, my mind was going 100mph, how could I go from being on top of the world a few hours ago to rock bottom. Next thing I know I’ve bolted over to my desk trying to log off my computer and pick up my bag, completely frantic uttering nonsense. Then my friend called me, she looked at me confused, and I just blurted “my dad’s dead I have to go” and I swear the whole office stopped. Talking back about it she told me I screamed it out loud, makes sense why everyone just stared at me. She got her things grabbed me and said “come on love we’re going” I ran over to my manager with tears streaming down my face “ I have to go I have to go my dad’s dead” I remember he just grabbed me, gave me the biggest cuddle, a kiss on the top of my head and said “go”.

I couldn’t breathe as we bolted through the office I was only my phone trying to text Matt, then my friend stood in front of me with her hands on my shoulders. “BREATHE” she said. And I took in what felt like my first breath. Matt called me as I was driving to my mums, panicky from my short blunt text for him to ring me ASAP. I told him what had happened and he just went silent on the phone, I think he was more shocked than me. “I’m so so sorry babe, call me later when you can I’ll see you at home. I love you” he said.

When I arrived at my mums house I flew through the door to see her & my brother in floods of tears, I fell into her arms “ I’m pregnant” I whaled. They both stopped looked at me, what? She said still sobbing, “I’m pregnant mum” she gave me the biggest squeeze, “I’m sorry it’s not the reaction you wanted” she smiled through her tears, my brother then leant over and grabbed me “congratulations” he whispered. 

I don’t know why I blurted it out, it was like word vomit I didn’t even realise what I’d said until after I’d said it. 

That day was and will forever be the most surreal day of my entire life. I found out I was pregnant at 7:30am (for sure), my dad passed away at 1:30pm & I had the news at 3:58pm I’ll never forget that day. I feel like I should talk more about my experience of loosing a parent at a young age, so for the rest of that day I’ll leave for another blog. But trying to leave it on a light hearted note that’s how it all came about us finding out we were going to be parents!

They say when one light goes out another lights up – and that couldn’t be more true for that day. Charlie truly was our biggest blessing.

We were extremely lucky on how quickly I did actually fall pregnant. If you are out there and trying to conceive, then all I would say is don’t put to much pressure on yourself. I had been on the contraceptive pill religiously for over 10 years so stopping that, your body has to adjust. I think we did just have sheer luck – I was using the app called “Ovia fertility”, you basically put all of your details in, when you have your periods etc, and it works out your most fertile days. Maybe it did work? Maybe I was super fertile I don’t know, but it wasn’t like a military operation lol! We just had sex more regularly, and on the days it told us we had the best chance and here we are!

I hope you’ve enjoyed my blog! If you did then please feel free to follow me for notifications of new posts and I’ll also link my Instagram below!

H xxx

Instagram

This was the first test which I’d edited to see that second line! 😂
The next morning! 🎉
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