The day the world changed as we know it.

I haven’t written on my blog for a long time, I guess life took over and it fell to the back of the queue. I’ve got loads to update about Charlie but I thought first I’d speak about the world today.

Today is, Sunday 26th March currently we’re on Day 7 of lockdown in the UK. Our Prime Minister announced national lockdown, all non essential shops are closed and the world has slowed down. Every day I wake up and wonder, what’s happening today. These last few weeks I’ve watched more of our news than I have in my life. Right now, COVID-19 is our lives. Right now we are living in uncertainty, how long will life go on like this? Will things ever go back to “normal”? I’ll be honest, if you’d had asked me about this 3/4 weeks ago I would have laughed and said I wasn’t worried in the slightest, now I find myself more anxious each day.

I suppose that I’m lucky in the sense that I am able to work from home, which means we will still have a monthly wage – at the moment Matt can still work too which is a blessing, just hope that doesn’t change. We are currently coming to the end of our isolation period, as Matt was showing signs of the symptoms, then me & Charlie developed a cough nothing more though thankfully.

It’s crazy to think we’ve scrapped all plans for the next few months as we don’t know where we will be, upcoming hen do in Marbella end of April has been cancelled and my friend has had to cancel her wedding. I really feel for everyone having to cancel their wedding days. We had a holiday booked for end of May, we haven’t actually cancelled it yet as we are waiting for our holiday provider to do that so that we get our money back. If we were to cancel now we would have to pay cancellation fees and we wouldn’t get our flight money back.

Now, every day is a worry. I haven’t seen my mum in over a week now, I pretty much saw her nearly every day and I’m really missing her. FaceTime just isn’t the same, and the thought of this going on for a few more months makes me really sad. Matts mum hasn’t seen Charlie in around a month now as she was on holiday before the lockdown was introduced. My uni has been closed, and exams cancelled so I don’t know where I stand with that either as I was due to resit my maths GCSE this summer.

I’m due to start work again on the 6th of April, I’ve been in regular contact with my manager since being off work and I have to pick up a desktop computer to begin working from home. Luckily I’m allowed to work flexible hours as we won’t have any childcare for Charlie so I’ll probably end up working in the evenings rather than the days. I never imagined life to be like this, and to think we’re not in “full lockdown” like other countries, people are still allowed out for exercise once a day. I wonder how people would cope if that was scrapped? I know we’d struggle for sure.

One thing I can say, is that being with Matt for the last 2 weeks 24/7 straight has definitely tested but strengthened our relationship. We still rub each other up the wrong way on a daily basis, but we appreciate each other more and we’ve been communicating a lot more mostly discussing the news. I definitely feel like our relationship has benefited by spending pure quality time together, we’ve really worked as a team. Giving one another a little break without even having to say a word. We’ve also laughed and had fun, only last night we stayed up till gone 11pm (this is so late for us!) trying to learn different dances, we ended up in fits of giggles and for once in a while now we didn’t think about what’s going on around us.

Charlie has been up & down, I think we’re through our second bottle of calpol now. He has a terrible cold and his cough is really not great and obviously with us not being able to take him to the GP it’s been a struggle. I think he’s been getting bored and as stir crazy as us being at home every day. We’ve been looking at trying to order in some new toys for him and recipes to do some messy play at home!

I know everything’s a bit mad right now and no one really knows what’s going on. I just hope everyone sticks together and follows the government’s guidelines so we can get this all over and done with. I hope this blog post finds you all well, stay safe everyone.

H x

Happy New Year!

Wow how fast did that year go? Can’t believe we are in 2020 a whole new decade! A lot is going to change for me (us) this year. Firstly I’m officially back in work on Monday! After being off since September 2018 ahhhh I’m so not ready!

We are lucky enough that mine and matts mum will help with childcare, and that for the time being I’m only going back for 2.5 days a week. Talking about work, matts got a new job! Wooohoo! He starts on the 20th of January and I’m so happy he has wanted a change for so long!

So we’re looking at a good start to the year. We have a few things in the diary already, it’s Matts birthday today (33) I’m taking him out for dinner on Saturday and we are going to have a few drinks which will be lovely!

Me & mum are off on a girly spa weekend in Monmouth the middle of this month which I’m super excited for, we were going to go abroad but couldn’t decide on anything so, we booked a load of spa treatments for the whole weekend finished off with afternoon tea on the Sunday before we leave.

One of my best mates is getting married in May which is crazy! I’m a bridesmaid, so ive got then hen to look forward to in April we’re off to Marbella! Matts off on the stag to Liverpool in March so that will be good for us both to let off some steam!

We will book a holiday end of May/June time although we can’t agree on where to go, and we can’t book anything until matt starts his new job and gets his shift patterns through. I think we should book Dubai because we don’t have to pay for Charlie’s flight as he’s under 2, and it will be less expensive but Matt thinks we should go somewhere like Greece! So we are totally undecided.

I normally like to try and book a weekend away aswell if we can afford it and have the time too. We went to the log cabin in November which was lush, so whether we book that again or somewhere similar I don’t know I just like to have things to look forward to!

I’ve been thinking about this year and what I want to achieve. I’ve got a new diary sorted with lots of new little bits added. Some of my goals for 2020 are:

1. Get fit! Not fat – back in the gym from Friday and I can’t wait.

2. Take control of my finances – I want to really knuckle down on my spending and see how much more I can save from last year.

3. I want to start running again, I’d like to do at least one race this year even if it’s a 5k. But I’m going to see how much I can push myself.

4. Make memories! Do more together as a family and plan more days out.

They are just a few of mine I’m always thinking of new ones!

Me & Matt have also spoken about looking for a new house at the end of the year, as much as we love our little house we are ready to move on there are things which we want such as a garden which just isn’t accessible for Charlie where we are. So we said we’d sit down with our mortgage advisor towards the end of the year and see what our next steps would be.

I hope you all have a great year and achieve lots! To love, happiness & health for 2020!

H x

The Norovirus that took us down!

As you May have read from our weekend away back in November Charlie had the most horrific sickness bug, what we thought was the end only turned out to be so so much worse.

Charlie seemed to have gotten better, his sickness had gone but by the Wednesday he had started to have really bad nappies. We didn’t think much of it at first as he’d had a really sharp orange for breakfast at my mums and we knew it may do this. But apart from that he was fine in himself.

Wednesday night was one of the worst nights sleep I’ve ever had. I tossed and turned all night I felt sick to my stomach, I was clammy then freezing I just knew something was up. Come 6am I was throwing up violently. I’ve only ever had the norovirus once, that was a few years ago and it was like something out of a horror film. Matt saw things he never should have had to see! I honestly don’t know how he looked at me in the same way ever since.

I already knew there was no way in hell I was capable of looking after myself let alone Charlie. sat in the shower for what seemed like forever, I waited for a reasonable time to text my mum to ask her if she could have Charlie. But, she didn’t feel 100% so we thought it was best not to risk it. I practically crawled back to bed and told Matt I’d just been throwing up. By the time Charlie woke up I was in no fit state, so matt got up and sorted him out.

We agreed to ask his mum if she could have Charlie for the day as Matt couldn’t take the time off work and thank god she said yes. I was so out of it I can’t even remember If I said goodbye to them both. I laid in bed all day, my whole body was aching. I got into the bath with the shower overhead about 3 times because it was the only place I could relax knowing I could just throw up over myself and it would rinse away. (Disgusting I know sorry)

I pretty much died in bed all day, the only movement I made was to the toilet. My whole body ached so badly. It was by far the most vile thing I’d ever experienced. The worst thing was it pretty much went round my whole family one after another it was horrible! I did mean to post this a while ago but things have been so hectic I promise to make time to post more!

Next year we are getting the flu jab ASAP! I can’t believe we forgot this year!

Here’s to good health going forward 🤞🏻💕

The Dark Side of Social Media

I’ve recently seen first hand the dark sides of social media. We all know and read about “trolls/trolling” I’m lucky enough that I’ve never to my knowledge experienced it personally. But, I have seen it brought up so much over the last few years and to be honest it scares the shit out of me that Charlie will be brought up around it.

I hope by the time Charlie is old enough to understand social media that there will be no such thing as trolling. These people need to be held accountable for their actions. Why do they think it’s acceptable to slur the most vile things just because they are behind the screen of their phone/tablet/laptop?

Why should these trolls be able to remain anonymous? It should be made a crime! These vile humans drive people to commit suicide to end their lives. That’s not ok! I follow a lot of famous people on social media, and the amount of abuse that’s targeted at them is insane! It was only a few weeks ago I sat and watched the Jesy Nelson documentary (Little Mix singer) and it broke my heart. She was one of many who had the most disgraceful things said about and too her. The same things which drove her to attempt to take her own life. She was lucky enough to be able to speak out about her story, some people aren’t able to do that.

It is something when you see these people commenting about people’s CHILDREN!!!! I mean common, that is the lowest of the low. Take Mrs Hinch as a recent example, was sent a message calling her 6 month old BABY ugly. Who in their right mind does that? I can’t imagine how she felt, the thought of people speaking like that about Charlie makes my blood boil, and makes me want to cry at the same time.

I stumbled across a website, which I can only describe as a breeding ground for trolls. It’s a forum where they all basically annihilate people. Famous people, businesses, bloggers, influencers. You name it. It made me sick. I read threads about people I follow, some of which I’ve actually interacted with. I couldn’t get my head around how many people there are out there. The best bit, they all use usernames because they would never dare use their own names!

It really opened my eyes to trolling – and it worries me. I’m glad it’s been brought to light, I hope we are able to rid of this vicious activity which is going on. I hope Charlie can grow up and not have to ever worry about someone writing something horrible about him. Maybe I’m being over optimistic who knows? Let’s hope so, social media should be a place where you can express yourself in a positive way. There’s no need for all this spiteful behaviour.

Be kind always, you don’t know what someone’s going through.

My poorly baby

We nearly made it a year without Charlie having any sort of sickness. That was until we were on our mini break!

Charlie had been fine throughout the day, we took him to a local play centre which he absolutely loved. We made sure we wiped down his hands often as you do, and everything was great.

We headed back to our log cabin, Charlie played for a while whist Matt got his food ready. We decided to try him with an Ellas kitchen sachet of chicken curry, which he absolutely wolfed down! We’d also bought a cooked chicken from Tesco so we added in some bits for him to eat by himself.

After dinner Charlie had a quick bath and into his pjs to settle down. He has hit bottle of milk and a cuddle before we put him to bed. He’s an excellent sleeper so when Matt put him down we never thought our night would take a turn.

Around 9pm I decided to pop my head in to check on him when I smelt the most awful smell I knew straight away something was wrong. When I peered over the top of the travel cot I could see a mass of sick – everywhere! I called to Matt quick as I picked Charlie up half asleep and started to strip him off. It was everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. I’d never seen anything like it. His sleeping bag was covered, it was all in his hair, down his pjs, all across the mattress of his cot, all down the sides.

We’d had the monitor on it’s loudest setting and we hadn’t heard him stir so I don’t know whether this all happened whilst he was asleep which worried me even more! He didn’t cry or even murmur he was just really quiet, I held him and rubbed his back when I could feel him start to wretch. Oh no matt! As I rushed to the bathroom Charlie had been vomiting all over me.

I put him In the bath and pulled him pj bottoms off and nappy. I pulled my T-shirt off and chucked everything at the top of the bath. Matt was sorting out his cot whilst I washed him down and got all of the sick out of his hair. He was so good amongst all of the chaos he just sat quietly and played with his toy.

We dried him off and put him in clean pjs. We sat on the sofa watching I’m a celebrity. He seemed to be much better. Within 20 minutes he started heaving again and before I could even get up with him he’d been sick all down his fresh pjs! It was like someone was pumping it out of him!

We stripped him to his nappy and decided to leave him for a while and it was lucky we did because within minutes he was throwing up again. It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but throughout it all he didn’t cry or fuss, he was just quiet.

We’d left it around half an hour without any signs of more sickness, so we decided to put another pair of clean pjs on and put him to bed. I put him down came back into the living room and within 5 minutes heard him gagging on the camera, ran it picked him up and held him over the toilet as he was bringing up what was left in his stomach.

Luckily his pjs were still clean, after another long cuddle on the sofa I put him back down and thank god he went to sleep. Not that I slept all night I was constantly checking in on him to make sure he was ok. We don’t know what caused it but thank god hes so much better today! Nothing worse than seeing your baby poorly! X

Charlie @ 11 months

Wowza!? How quickly have these last 11 months gone. I know I keep saying it but I can’t get my head around the fact Charlie will be 1 in just a few short weeks.

He has come on leaps and bounds, it seems like he’s growing up so quickly. He is the most beautiful, funny, happy little boy. He is actually a little boy now, but he will always be my baby.

He makes us laugh every single day, he is so curious, fearless he’s into everything. Loves his toys, loves playing games, loves his food, loves his bed! We are extremely lucky. He’s no trouble for us, he’s a fantastic eater he will eat anything I put in front of him.

He sleeps like a dream, from the moment we put him down we don’t hear him until he gets up in the morning. He loves his bath before bed too. The only thing he doesn’t like is having his nappy changed or getting dressed but apart from that nothing!

He does grind his teeth a lot which goes through me! He still has 8 teeth, 4 at bottom & top. I thought I could see the white of his molars the other day but I wasn’t 100%. He’s crawling everywhere and he’s really fast, he stands up and sits down all day long. He does sometimes shuffle around the sofa, and I’ve seen him let go a few times and fall on his bum. He’s definitely getting more confident.

He loves to walk holding your hands but still hasn’t got his balance properly yet. We are going on a mini break at the end of the month to a lodge in Narberth for 3 days so that will be a nice mini holiday. We’re also getting this prepped for Charlie’s birthday party!

Exciting times! I’m not ready for him to turn 1, I don’t think I ever will be!

Hx

Charlie @ 10 months

I can’t believe I forgot to do a 10 month update! *bad mum alert!* Charlie is currently 10 months 3 weeks old! Wow where is the time going?

He’s as lush as ever! I cannot enough of him, he’s so funny me & the family are always giggling over things he comes out with. He’s making lots of weird and wonderful sounds, his new favourite is blowing his lips together which is pretty difficult for me to do! Nanny has been teaching him so he’s picked it up from her!

Charlie has 8 teeth now, 4 at bottom & 4 up top. He’s done really well when it’s come to the last couple of teeth coming through. We only actually knew he had the teeth when he opened his mouth and we noticed, we didn’t hear a grizzle from him. He is super super fast crawling now, and he is EVERYWHERE! I mean everywhere. We definitely need eyes dotted around our heads.

He constantly makes a break for it to get to the stairs! He half attempts to start to climb but gets too scared and comes back down. He is up and down standing constantly, it’s like he can’t sit still unless he’s winding down for bed or he’s captivated by his baby tv! We had a walker for him from matts mum as an early birthday present, so I’ve been helping him practise to walk with it a couple of times a day and he’s getting it slowly.

He eats really really well, anything I put in front of him he demolishes. He’s on two 7 ounce bottles a day, one first thing and a bedtime bottle. He absolutely loves his fruit, I think he would eat it all day if he could. I’m still trying to cook as much as possible rather than relying on the cow & gate jars. I try to now only use them if we are out and about or if he’s really over tired and he needs to get to bed. Other than that I try make him something, if I can I’ll make him whatever we are having for tea before hand.

He’s such a lovely happy baby, he’s really sociable. He just loves people and loves showing off he’s always making everyone laugh. He’s super chatty every single day he just babbles to himself all day. I can’t quite believe he will be 1 in 6 weeks time it’s really flown by. We’ve been lucky in the sense he’s been really healthy apart from a few weeks ago when he had tonsillitis & a chest infection which lasted around a week, then to top it off me & Matt caught the flu!

He’s still an excellent sleeper, we honestly don’t know how lucky we are. He goes down anytime from 6:30pm-7:15pm and sleeps through till around 7am. We don’t hear him all night, I never usually tell other mothers because I feel awful if their little ones are bad sleepers.

Loving every minute of watching him learn and grow – it’s the best!

Let’s talk anxiety

Today, was the day that my GP confirmed that I have Post Natal Anxiety.

I didn’t even know this existed until late last night. For the past few months, I couldn’t actually pin point when this started I have been having the most extreme thoughts about Charlie. Now, I mean thoughts of him dying. Constantly worrying and in fear. It doesn’t happen every day, sometimes I can go days without anything. But other days the simplest of things could make me think “what if”.

For example, some mornings I could be carrying him down the stairs and I can think “what if I slip and we both fall down the stairs and he dies”. Or he can be standing up in front of the TV holding onto the unit and I can think “what if he loses his balance, cracks his head on the corner and bleeds to death”. Crazy right? I could even sit there and tell myself why the hell are you thinking this it will never happen! The more I try not to think about it the worse it got.

Last night was one of those nights, it happens mostly before I go to sleep when you have lots of thoughts buzzing around. Again, I just kept thinking “what if Charlie dies, what if he doesn’t wake up”. Our night vision on our monitor has gone all fuzzy so it’s not great, so whether that triggered it I don’t know. I got into such a state sobbing into my pillow, the more I told myself I was being ridiculous the worse I became.

That’s when I turned to google. With tears streaming down my face I typed into the search: “keep thinking my baby will die”. And that’s when I discovered Post Natal Anxiety. It was a huge relief that I wasn’t alone. I read women’s posts on forums stating exactly the same things I was feeling. I wasn’t crazy after all. I knew I needed to talk to Matt as I hadn’t spoken to anyone about the way I was feeling.

So, this morning I sat down with Matt and told him everything that had been going on. He was brilliant as I knew he would be, I could see the upset on his face that I’d kept it to myself for so long. He gave me the biggest hug and kept kissing my head, he told me I needed to speak to someone so we agreed I would call my GP and book an appointment.

I was lucky enough to get in straight away for an appointment,I then called my mum and explained to her how I’d been feeling. Again as I knew she would she supported me 100% and I instantly felt better knowing I had backing from the two most important people too me. I took Charlie down with me, and explained everything how I was feeling to the Dr. He confirmed straight away he felt like I was suffering with post natal anxiety. He has referred me for someone to talk too and given me Propranolol which is suppose to help with the anxiety.

I am glad I spoke to Matt & my mum, I’m also glad matt pushed me to speak to someone today. Hopefully things will get a bit better going forward!

Always talk, it works wonders!

Hx

Happy Birthday to me!

I feel like I’ve neglected my blog lately, and it’s purely because I’ve just been so busy but nothing much to talk about weird right!?

Anyway it’s my birthday today! 28 🙈 the wrong side of my twenties! But, it’s my first birthday with little Charlie bear! What more could I ask for! This time last year I was waddling around and we were all eagerly waiting his arrival.

I love my birthday, it’s probably my favourite time of the year apart from anything to do with Charlie. I also love celebrating other people’s birthdays 😊

Last night me & Matt had our first date night in ages! My mum looked after Charlie which meant we also stayed over as it’s easier to stay in Cardiff than pay a fortune to get home. I booked to have my makeup done with my favourite artist Tara, (@makeupbytaranatasha) I love how she does my makeup she’s an absolute pro and I wouldn’t go to anyone else. If your local to Cardiff or South Wales in general I would 100% recommend her.

We booked to go for a meal at one of our favourite places, Miller & Carter. We only ever have a starter & a main normally because we’re always too full for a desert! It was lovely to spend some quality time together without having to scoff down our food. We had a few cocktails too 🍹 we’d already planned to meet our friends Sarah & Liam, so took a walk over to Cardiff Bay and met them in a cute bar called The Dock.

I didn’t want to go too mad drinking because the last time we had a night out, firstly we always say we won’t go to town…but end up going to town. Secondly I drank too much and ended up having the worst hangover and if it hadn’t been for Matt feeling ok and looking after Charlie then I don’t know how I would have coped. ( I was sick all day!)

But no town was agreed over dinner, and for the first time ever we stuck to it! I also didn’t drink to much so felt pretty good this morning even if I did have a slight headache. It was the first time I’d woken up on my birthday with my mum and it was lush❤️ I haven’t had a birthday at home for nearly 5 years now! I woke up just gone 8am and crept into my mums room and I could see Charlie asleep next to her in bed.

She said he’d woken up at 7, they played then he fell back asleep on the bed so she kept him there. (More likely she just wanted cuddles and I can’t say I blame her!). I jumped in next to her for a cuddle, *never too old for a cuddle off your mum* and we chatted until Charlie woke up and gave me a cheeky smile! I just love him in the mornings he’s always so happy, and chatty it’s the best.

We got up took him downstairs for him breakfast and my mum appeared with a birthday bag. She’d bought me the cutest onesie! I loved it it was lovely and thick, perfect for the winter. She also got me a lovely leather jacket which I picked, and she got us a gift card for Miller & Carter. My mum always buys me the best gifts & heartwarming cards.

We stayed and had breakfast with my mum, brother & stepdad. My brother bought me a gift voucher for a massage! Perfect! I love a good pamper session. We headed for home, stopping off to pick up a walker for Charlie from matts mum. Then we had a really nice chilled out day, Charlie played with his toys and we lounged on the sofa.

Matt brought me down my gifts, he had already had these huge bouquet of flowers delivered on Friday. He also bought me a new pair of trainers, mini pictures that you can move anywhere around the house they are called mix tiles, and the most gorgeous cupcakes! I will link the people mentioned at the end of this blog. I am very lucky I always have lovely gifts and get well & truly spoilt.

My headache had turned into a migraine by the time of Charlie’s afternoon nap so I decided to go to bed for an hour to sleep it off and it helped massively. We ordered a cheeky chinese and have spent the night on the sofa – a perfect end to a great day! I’m meeting a few of the girls next weekend for afternoon tea, so I’m looking forward to that it should be a lush catch up with them all, and an excuse for a cocktail or two!

I’ve had the best day, turning 28 isn’t so bad after all!❤️

@abbiescupcakes
IG: @abbiescupcakes

Mental Health Awareness

Today is mental health awareness, and you know what I’m feeling pretty shit.

I’m a massive supporter of this, it is something which is extremely close to my heart having had to watch some of my closest family members suffer. It’s something which needs to be spoken about a lot more and I think there’s so much to learn and understand about these different illnesses.

I couldn’t tell you why I feel so shit today, whether it’s because I watched a super emotional episode of coronation street this morning, or whether I’m thinking about my last messages to my dad before he died. Or if it’s just because I’m having an “off” day but I’m really down in the dumps.

Charlie’s gone down for a nap, which means I can get an hour (hopefully) of just pure silence. I’m absolutely hanging today, I’ve been feeling really tired lately which is effecting my mood massively. I’ve also enrolled in part time Uni and it’s not easy so I think maybe I’m just feeling it more than usual.

I absolutely love love love spending my days with Charlie, he is an absolute angel 99% of the time, but it’s still hard work. I know I’m really going to struggle when I have to go back to work which isn’t too far away now. I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected lately, I don’t know why but I feel like I need to re align myself if that even makes sense?

Something which I always look forward too in October is my birthday 🥳 which is a bit weird because it was never a huge over the top occasion but it’s just something I’ve always enjoyed, maybe because I’ve never been a huge fan of Christmas? But yes, 28 this year….ah! 28 in 10 days time 🙈 where are the years going?

Anyway enough rambling, I just wanted to say if your struggling today or any other day then it’s OK not to be OK! It’s fine to cry & be sad and have your off days. Just make sure you talk to someone, or at least do something to shift how your feeling. Me, I find this helps me – even if no one reads this it’s fine because I’ve got off my chest how I’m feeling today and I now feel better than what I did before I posted this!

H x